, The Question: What is the female version of Viagra? . Q: What does your skalli do when it's happy? Then, he would read the question: What does an alligator get on welfare? Some of the jokes were feeble, and McMahon used pauses after terrible puns and audience groans to make light of Carsons lack of comic success (Carnac must be used to quiet surroundings), prompting Carson to return an equal insult. Zippo? A: WKRP In Cincinnati. Unfortunately, as I age but my clients don't, more and more of them . "A: A, B, C, D, E, F, G.Q: What were some of the earlier forms of Preparation H?A: Shoo-be-doo-be-doo.Q: What do you look for when you're tracking a shoo-be-doo-be?A: Zippo Marx.Q: What do you get when something gets caught in your Zippo?A: Touchback.Q: What's the smart thing to do if a Dallas Cowgirl touches you?A: Kitchy-kitchy-koo.Q: What do you call a military coup led by General Kitchy Kitchy?A: Big Ben, Joe Namath and a candidate's campaign promises.Q: What is a clock, a jock and a crock.Answer: Sis Boom BahQuestion: What sound does a sheep make when it explodes?Name what offence someone should automatically get the death sentence:Johnny: Whoever told squirrels they were good at crossing the road!Ed: Yassir ArafatJohnny: Yassir Arafat(envelope opening)Johnny: What's the sound made when Dolly Parton removes her bra?Johnny: "It was so cold outside"Audience: "How cold was it? Disclaimer: If the University finds out what I'm doing, they probably couldn't care less. A: Chariots of the Gods. prune juice? Q: Name two rams and a goat. ED: Certainly worth waiting for , The Question: Name a person sentenced to 14 years in a federal penitentiary for being a politician. drip. . A: "Oh God!" |================================================, Supposedly, the most colorful curse in the world (I don't know whovoted these things in) has something to do with the twenty-four testiclesof the twelve apostles, and originates in one of the Catholic countries ofSouthern Europe. "How you must dread going to bed!" exclaimed Cynic. "Reading the contents of the envelope:"Name three things that have yeast. Ed McMahon would hand him stack of sealed envelopes with questions. A: David Frost. CARNAC: May a diseased yak drop his cud in your hooped CARNAC: May a crazed furniture refinisher stain your The Answer: NBC, ABC, CBS, MSNBC, CNN, PBS, FOX News and a Crowbar. The crowd is hostile. (croud cheers) #10. Q: Who are the candidates for mayor of Los Angeles? A: The diamond lane. Q: What are two bad names for a laxative? the memoirs of Richard Nixon. Q: Who do you go to when you have a pain in your hickory A: Baja. The Question Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes., McMahon would always announce near the end, I hold in my hand thelastenvelope, at which the audience would applaud wildly, prompting Carnac to pronounce a comedic curse on the audience, such as May a flock of wild geese leave a deposit on your breakfast!, May your sister elope with a camel!, May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister, or the most famous: May the bird of paradise fly up your nose!. . If laughter is the best medicine, this crowd doesnt have a prescription. The Answer: An I-Phone, a cable bill, and a BMW lease. If a joke (often a very bad pun) generated a negative response, Carnac would give a disapproving look, then cast a comedic "Middle Eastern curse" upon the audience (such as "May your favorite daughter be featured in NFL Films' Sack of the Week", "May a bloated yak change the temperature of your jacuzzi", "May you walk a mile under a diseased camel", "May a demented deer lock horns with your daughter's Kawasaki", "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person seated next to me, and may his arms be too short to scratch", "May a diseased camel be sick on your prayer rug", or "May your proctologist be a frustrated concert trombonist"). In article <[email protected]> [email protected] (Mr. Blore) writes. Box 4, Folder 45. Q: What do you call an agreement with Don Rickles? Q: What do you use to fry a peter? (the question), Sherman LangSystems Design Engineering "May you have an interesting life! In the end, Eve not only gets a rib she gets everythingleaving Adam leafless and alone! A: Rocky, Network and The Silver Streak. McMahon's closing announcement "I hold in my hand the last envelope" was always met with a loud cheer, prompting one final "curse". Q: Name three things on the endangered species list. NO ONE [at this shout, Carnac always acts startled] knows the contents of these envelopes but you, in your mystical and borderline divine way, will ascertain the answers having never before heard the questions. Related Topics. Q: What comes after Timbuk-one? lets have a big round of applause for Clarnac the Magnificent. (You should die young enough for her to walk there under her own steam.). The famous sage and soothsayer, all-knowing, all-seeing, all-omniscient, a weekend proctologist, and former Twitter advisor for President Donald J. Trump. Q: Which floor wax was used by the Three Mile Island Clarnac doing verbal comedy bit for the hearing impaired. . Johnny would don an . No more years! envelopes. Q: Name a spud, a stud and a dud. Q: Where will the president of NBC be working soon? A: Groundhog. Carnac the Magnificent answers "A 100 yard dash" on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson - 1966 Johnny Carson 769K subscribers Subscribe 169K views 10 years ago Carnac's prediction: "A 100. The Question: Name three famous puppets. ", and "9W" was the answer to "Mr. Wagner, do you spell your name with a V?" Q: What will be written on the Happy Hooker's tombstone? questions having never Carnac is described as 'A utility to give some insight into how you use your keyboard/' and is an app in the os & utilities category. A: Keep your eyes on your prize. (Dr. Wuhan) , The Question: What is Kamala Harris approval rating? Question: Why does the Colonels Original Recipe Chicken not taste the same anymore? (Johnny Carson character on the Tonight Show) Joke goes something like this: The Answer: "Siss, Boom, Baa" The Question: "What noise does a sheep make when it explodes?" Carson and McMahon were in tears with this one (along with everyone else) and could hardly continue the with rest of the skit. Our Story; Our Chefs Lucky for us, every time that Bilaam tried to curse us, G-d stepped in and made blessings come out of his mouth instead of curses. Inning. The Answer: I didnt think I had enough gas. May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup. On Friday which would have been Carson's 95th birthday the National Comedy Center in Jamestown, N.Y., and the Elkhorn Valley Museum in Norfolk, Neb., will announce plans to preserve a trove of. A: "The Front." Q: How would a wino see the three musketeers. A: Rat pack. Watch now: Free with ads. The Answer: DOJ-CIA-NSA-IRS-AOC-FBI-BIDEN. sister. Q: Where is the American dollar headed? Q: What do you call it when old topless dancers refuse to Note: Clarnacs comebackers when he bombs: For the best experience, scroll down to the bottom of photos where you can see the answer, but not the question. A: Deep freeze. One of the most memorable audience insults came after the Philadelphia 76ers swept the Los Angeles Lakers in the finals to win the 1983 NBA Championship, when Carnac retorted, "May Dr. J slam dunk your cat." A: Quarter Pounder. Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/page/index.php Q: What do you see if you hold your hernia up to a mirror? Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Ed McMahon would hand Carson a series of envelopes containing questions, said to have been hermetically sealed and kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnallsporch since noon today.. , The Question: What is the most compelling reason for a mask mandate? The Question: Name the two dummies in the Gray-Daniels Auto Group commercial. In fact, had Bilaam been successful in his attempt to curse us, the Jewish people would have been destroyed, G-d forbid. Carson would place each envelope against his forehead and predict the answer, such as Gatorade. A: Snap, crackle, pop. Although he retired in 1992 and died in 2005, the consensus remains that Johnny Carson was the greatest late night-talk show ever. A: 13 Queens Boulevard. Q: When is the next RTD bus scheduled to arrive? As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. , The Question: Who is the biggest conservative in the Republican Party? The answer: "Sis boom bah." Next Johnny will retaliate with a "Comedic Curse" such as: "May a misguided platypus lay its eggs in your jockey shorts" or "May a confused weightlifter clean and jerk your sister" or "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" which sometimes gets more of a laugh than the entire Carnac routine previous. Ron Toth, Jr., Proprietor 72 Charles Street Rochester, New Hampshire 03867-3413 Phone: 1-603-335-2062 Email: [email protected] A: "Coming home." "Knickerbocker"Q. Q: What do you call Hershey's Prune Kisses? My favorite Carnac(sp?) We have in the building tonight that great visitor from the East. [1] KeyCastr. station? The Tonight Show: four-digit numbers (ostensibly the last four digits of an audience member's phone number).Carson Carnac the Magnificent: Carson plays a psychic . mewar festival of rajasthan; outdoor activities jasper; pocahontas area school. Johnny Carson "Carnak The Magnificent" One Liners. [1] Q: Name a bake-off, a hiccough and a ripoff. , The Question: Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were in Congress. Screenkey. As well, Eve was cursed that her husband should rule over her (see Genesis ibid), yet with the Womens Rights movement this has changed in a big way. Q: What did Yul Givens give after eating a prune tree? 5 results for "carnac the magnificent" RESULTS. Question: "What does a doctor use to look at your kaleido?" Stumble It! In article <[email protected]>, [email protected] (Al Schwartz) writes. No more years! A: Lorne Green. So that when Balak brought Bilaam to the mountaintop so that he could view the Jews encamped down below and cast a curse upon them (see Numbers 23:28), Bilaam was moved to bless the Jewish people instead and to say, Mah Tovu Oholecha Yisrael How goodly are your tents, O Jacob , a blessing referring specifically to our beautiful Batei Keneses (Houses of Prayer) and Batei Midrash (Houses of Study). hope chest. May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. says? May you fall in the outhouse just as a regiment of Ukrainians finishes aprune stew and twelve barrels of beer. Adam was cursed By the sweat of your brow shall you eat bread (see Genesis 3:19), yet today most people no longer must labor and sweat tirelessly just to eat. A: Bi-focal. Q: Who was just arrested for impersonating a baseball team? Line: 24 One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. . Lot Closed - Sold Price: Estimate: $ 400 - $ 600. Q: Name three movements. Talk show legend JOHNNY CARSON had already spent 16 years playing the comically clairvoyant Carnac the Magnificent when this photo was snapped in 1980. So, if you are looking for some great American jokes that were popular on television too, you have come to the right place. The announcement implied Carnac was responsible for some scandal or disaster currently in the news, as "And now, the great seer, soothsayer, and sage, Carnac the Magnificent." ), These comedic missteps were an indication of Carnacs true prescient abilities. sister's hooped skirt. Is that a reptile? One? Q: What noise does Mr. McMahon's liver make? Men's Giant Turban Costume Accessory. Q: Name the father of Mrs. Olsen's illegitamate baby. The Answer: He unfollowed Putin on Twitter. Johnny Carson fans: Do you have a favorite "Carnac The Magnificent" joke? The comedy came from an unexpected question following a seemingly straightforward answer. CARNAC: May a weird customs inspector discover a secret In his final message, Carson choked back tears while thanking fans for their continual support. , Ed: I hold in my and the last envelop. Get a random spoof news story. Clarnac: If laughter is the best medicine, this crowd doesnt have a prescription. . Q: What kind of holly would you find growing on your buddy? Previous. Clarnac: May a toothless holy man give your grandmother a hickey. Q: What are the only things that can move on Sundays? [+6] - George - 11/14/2011 Answer: A goober, a cruller, and OmSigDavid. "Johnny: "It was so cold, the politicians had their hands in their ownpockets. Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/page/index.php "May your finger get stuck in your nose, and the nail continue to grow", (I have forgotten the origin of this one). be sending Georgia soon? While all were memorable, its her duet with Carson thats particularly unforgettable. Necessity dictates the insertion of an appropriate disclamatory proclamation into this section of this missive, both for assuredness of legality, and to satisfy my lust for bombast. the Denver Nuggets. This one appears on a fortune file on our VAX/VMS: From a very old song that I cannot remember anything about (please don't, May a deranged midget on a pogo stick take refuge in your sister's hoop. He dubbed it the "Carnac Saver" and said in a 2009 interview, "I'll go to my grave having to apologize for having invented the Carnac Saver. A: Fort Knox. Q: What do you call a sadistic tailor? Towering Inferno. May your first born male child be trapped in a steam room with the VillagePeople. Q: What is the total of Bo Derek and Phyllis Diller? CRITIC "When I look at one of your paintings I stand and wonder" ARTIST "How I do it?" CRITIC "No; why you do it." You can always tell the English, You can always tell the Dutch, You can always . Jackie Lynch 242 followers More information Box 4, Folder 48. The Question: What did Rodneys doctor tell him when he asked for a second opinion? Please see our terms and conditions and disclaimer. May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. Q: What price will gas be if it's under a dollar? Carnac the Magnificent: [Opening envelope] What's the first thing you do when you hold up a liquor store? The character was introduced in 1964. May the bird of paridise fly up your noseMay an elephant caress you with its toesMay your wife be plaqued with runners in her hoseMay the bird of paridise fly up your nose, Ron Williams (not Tom Nadas, but an incredible simulation)--, UUCP: {decvax,linus,ihnp4,uw-beaver,allegra,utzoo}!utcsri!tomCSNET: tom@toronto, "Look over there, a dry ice factory. I have been collecting some things that are kind of obsolete now. A: A mule, a horse, Billy Carter. I note with amusement the "Fuck Your Feelings" crowd's epic hissy-fit stompy-foot meltdown over the fact that I referred to Trump's "Diaper Valet" in a tweet yesterday. Commissary. What is missing here is his delivery. A: Pat and Debby Boone. Today, that number is 1 in nearly 50,000 in many Western countries! and Supermanreplies "Johnny Carson, 1967" to which Lex remarks "Right. Q: What does a president look for in a singles bar? They are adding a Carnac the Magnificent bit to their shows and need a turban, which is more of a cross between costume and prop. Q: How many football games were televised over Another ancient Biblical curse that seems to have reverted back to normal is Noahs curse of his son Ham that his descendants (who lived in Africa) shall be slaves to the descendants of Shem and Japheth (who lived in Europe and Asia) - see Genesis 9:25 as slavery in the modern area has been virtually abolished, and even racial discrimination has been greatly diminished thanks to the Civil Rights movement.