I keep moving forward even if my pants come off. "Have a great Wednesday. Walter Bagehot. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut., 6. Things are getting better all the time. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. I am not letting an episode of my life ruin the entire show. When you leave work on Friday, leave work. 8. 207. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. 157. 249. Decomposing. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. 26. Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny. 76. 57. Its called tomorrow. Inspiring Quotes About Life "Here, we like to keep you inspired by showing you beautiful words of wisdom based . Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny., 4. I have a healthy body, tranquil mind and a vibrant soul. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Its what it is supposed to be, dont overthink and let it go. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. So life is not always "All The Way Up", I guess. 34. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. Socrates. It will just flow naturally. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. I just go normal from time to time. I love living in my unique female body. To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. Why was six scared of seven? I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. I will smile while I still have my teeth. 199. At night, I cant fall asleep. 3. 88. Life would be tragic if it werent funny too. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. Ted Turner. I could agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. 39. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. I honor that time. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. Walking into a room and then forgetting why I am here is my daily cardio. 83. 230. Every time you are able to find some humor in a difficult situation, you win., 5. 100. Affirmations to wealth are a great way for you to organize your thoughts and develop a positive outlook. I will not let my mind be a bully to my body. Ann Landers, 244. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. 10. Life does a pretty good job of keeping us stressed and worried, we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. Consider what you want to accomplish using these witty affirmations, and go for the ones that will bring you closer to that goal. 24. 85. Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up. 178. I dont need validation from others to know Im killing it. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. 98. 222. Im sure youve heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily. The world is my buffet, and my plate is ready to go. Learn sign language, its very handy. What do I do for a living? I will go out. I am constantly growing and improving. I thought you said extra fries. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. 181. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. I have a lot to offer. Positive affirmations kind of set the way how your day will flow. A mind is like a parachute. Helen Giangregorio. Robert A. Heinlein, 243. 12. Never take life seriously. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. 18. 147. No, but April may. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. Life is filled with highs and lows, stress and anxiety, so sometimes some funny and positive words will help you lighten up on an encouraging note. Henny Youngman, 246. ( @malacollective) Fear and adventure go hand-in-hand when you're following your dreams. It has features that are distinctive and make me who I am. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. -Gandhi. You can be positive and yet be funny and easy-going. 3. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. 7. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. 277. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. Your mind will naturally focus more on the positive things that happen that day rather than the negatives. Alison Boulter. I am quite fascinating. 67. If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldnt have a job if he was any smarter. John Gotti, 6. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. 26. "If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.". 118. We have a connection. I would have appreciated exams if they had allowed our Pokemons and Ninjas. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. Everyone recognizes how positive emotions can affect attitude and overall health. I never apologize. And a funny bone. 220. I havent talked to my wife in three weeks. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. 108. I didnt want to interrupt her. Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. 109. You can think about your affirmations at work, while driving, when you practice yoga, and when you spend time with your . Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Heres a list of important things to consider: Choosing the perfect affirmation from our list isnt much different. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. 3. 7. 108. 167. 166. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. I didnt fall, Im just spending some quality time with the floor. I am feeling wittier and more naturally funny. And in that moment I swear I still didn't give a shit. Wonderwoman: single. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. 220. 264. 33. 80. 88. Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. 6. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. 11. Wilson Mizner 32. Bill Murray, 258. 65. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. First, read the most powerful affirmations below to build a strong mind. 62. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? I know the best time to make fun. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. I am already great, and I am yet to reach my full potential. I will be the type of person I would like my children to become. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. 60. I am enough. Some people are like clouds. I release all shame about my body. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. Begin your days with these powerful, funny affirmations for self-esteem. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting!, 15. 129. Top 10 Funny Affirmations For Self-Esteem, Funny Daily Affirmations To Boost Your Energy, Funny Positive Affirmations For Confidence, 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset. 38. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Its scary when it disappears. 8. 222. I'm sorry, I have to quickly disable alarm level brown. I feel great. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. I thought you said extra fries. 147. If only common sense were more common. "Whatever you do, do with all your might.". Affirmations are a powerful tool to overcome self-sabotaging thoughts and boost your self-esteem. 90. If you enjoyed reading these funny positive affirmations, make sure to bookmark this page for future reference, and share your favorite affirmations with your friends and family. I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. 186. If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito. Betty Reese, 9. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. This is a snap. 214. I sometimes might be too much, but I am always enough. I receive what I believe. 97. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 9. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor. I am so worthy so that I am filling the life of people with fun and joy. 270. My son is now an entrepreneur. 257. Stop playing with me., 6. Well, life isn't just about glitz and glamour nor rainbows and butterflies. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. 223. 'If you would like to know the value of money, try to borrow some.'. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. Being funny increase people's tendency to connect with you and talk to you. Check out our funny affirmation selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. 117. There might be affiliate links on this page, which means we get a small commission of anything you buy. 13. The thing is, I am still getting ready. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 254. Whenever I get back home, I lose all the superpowers that I had when with friends. As I become responsible, I have got more powers. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. When life closes a door, just open it again. Honolulu, its got everything. 53. Positive affirmations are a longstanding practice for those of us who need a little extra daily encouragement, and the best part isthey're free and they're flexible! Charles M. Schulz Nothing, they just waved. Also read: 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. It is already tomorrow in Australia.". Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. What is Mozart doing right now? "I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. But you can always be immature. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. Those who snore always fall asleep first. I personally love watching masters of comedy, Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre. 215. 5. George Burns 215. 276. 2. Please excuse me while I go check the plumbing. [click_to_tweet tweet=I can always think of something funny to say. quote=I can always think of something funny to say. theme=style4], 2023 Oldtown Publishing LLC 479 State Route 17 N 21. Life is a game full of little and big surprises. I stick to things until I get to my destination. God has never abandoned me. 134. I dont think thats a coincidence. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. 214. 47. Hes dreaming too. 200. Ive been doing nothing for years. 271. Envelope. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. Giving up on your goal because of one setback is like slashing your other three tires because you got a flat., 6. If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. 111. I focus on breathing and grounding myself. 227. I am joyful for achieving the ones I did. 26. Find a quiet place without distractions. 231. Effective pushing often involves poop. You try again, but no sound is coming out. Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor.. My funny vibes attract my funny tribe., 3. Loving yourself and believing in yourself is the first step in making these funny positive affirmations work for you. Nothing, they just waved. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. 244. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. "Your mistakes don't define you.". 40 Apology Paragraph For Her To Say Im Sorry, 80 Cute Relationship Quotes For Sweet Couples In Love, 50 Doubt In Relationship Quotes To Rebuild Trust, 75 Sad Broken Relationship Quotes To Fix Your Heartbreak, 70 Relationship Honesty Quotes On Love, Trust & Loyalty, 80 Relationship Sorry Quotes To Apologize To Your Love, 65 Disney Quotes About Family That Will Warm Your Heart, 90 Best Shrek Quotes From The Funny Ogre Movie, 80 Blended Family Quotes To Share With Your Loved Ones, 90 Female Fitness Quotes For Women Who Workout. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. 70. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. All rights reserved. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? Watch popular content from the following creators: Maaryfairyy(@maaryfairyy), Jasmines Garden(@jasminesgarden23), Dazley(@dazzlemeup), JaySean(@jaysean), Nathalie Munoz(@nathaliemunozx3) . Albert Einstein It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. 70. 20. 163. If I am willing to go back to bed when I wake up, I will go and make up the bed. Nobody gets out alive anyway. 2. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. Pampered cows produce spoiled milk. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? 265. Go to bed with satisfaction.". Ive been doing nothing for years. I may stumble along the way, but I will get over it. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. Just like every Monday does on Earth. Why did the can crusher quit his job? 80. Hi! 104. What is Mozart doing right now? I dont have everything I want, but I have all I need. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. 26. One of the most important aspects of affirmations is how authentic they feel to you. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash., 9. The only power you have is the word no. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome., 15. 54. You are good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, and strong enough. 101. Repeat the affirmation as many times as you see fit. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. Its a door, thats how they work. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks. But then again so does . 178. Cindy from Marzahn 274. 210. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. 54. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. They log in. 19. Theres life without Facebook and internet? 2. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. We'll get to that later. 164. In the morning, I cant get up. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. Choose a job you love and youll never have to work a day in your lifebecause that field isnt hiring. "What doesn't kill you makes your drinks stronger.". 64. - Christopher Reeve. No one can make me feel my jokes are bad. 110. You can make friends and have good relationships if you believe in your sense of humor and fill your mind with funny and positive thoughts. I draw from my inner strength and light. - Billie Burke. If I lose my hopes, I am afraid my mom will still scold me for taking it out and showing it to friends. I attract the right people and repel the wrong ones. 141. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. It equates "weight loss" with thoughts like: I can. 116. No one is immune to self-sabotage, heartbreak, loss, and failure. Enjoy! You might undoubtedly relate with them, and yet you will not feel laid back because of your weaknesses. Laughter can help you see the humor in otherwise grim situations. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. Erma Bombeck. 155. Looking for positive funny affirmations? Once youve chosen one of our affirmations or devised your own, its time to put it into practice. I am tough and resilient. My mistakes dont define me. I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried., 136. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. Choose words that make you feel confident about yourself. 26. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. No matter what a mess I am, my kids adore me. 42. 145. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. 275. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. 2. Feel free to share with friends and family on Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, WhatsApp, Twitter and more to motivate them every morning. We frequently doubt ourselves. 267. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Thank God Im an atheist. 205. 4. And one of the fundamental truths in life is that they will make . 16. May your coffee be strong and your Monday productive. 153. Don't forget to be awesome. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. 22. I am healthy, I am wealthy, I am hot!, 14. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. Your email address will not be published. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. Wouldnt exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? Roy Lichtenstein Can February march? To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. Mental Style Project has been created as an outlet to guide you as you navigate through life, with the right tools and resources that will upgrade your life, enable you to take charge of your personal growth, and improve your wellness journey. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. 224. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. Read the first word again. I intend to live forever. 36. 68. "A moment of patience in a moment of anger saves you a hundred moments of regret. 7. 225. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Oscar Wilde, 5. Enjoy! I am wise enough to make the same mistake again!, 8. No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. I have seen better days, but Ive also seen worse. Dont forget that you get 24 hours, even on your worst day. I make the right choices every time. 192. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? I am changing all my useless things into something productive by working on them. "Disconnect to connect.". My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. Every day, read them aloud for the best results. 273. Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. - Unkmown. 65. Everyone brings happiness to this office. 138. 3. Use this space for describing your block. Some people are like clouds. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. I can do this. Its called tomorrow. With time, I have started to value more time. What do computers eat for a snack? Walter Bagehot East 103. I am intelligent. 228. Well, I guess I have to be odd to be number one. 180. Dont let anything or anyone stop you from achieving what you truly aspire. "If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.". I am at peace with my body and accept it as it is. Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. 114. Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. 36. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. No No NOYes. Its okay, he woke up. 91. 155. 170. 27. Ken Dodd Laughter brings me closer to people. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. When they go away, its a brighter day. 267. The world is missing some pizzazz. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? 2. "Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.". 233. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. So, here's our compilation of funny work quotes that are perfect for every workplace: Image Source: Unsplash. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. Say your affirmations slowly and clearly. 263. 123. Milton Berle Youre basically a houseplant with complicated emotions., 11. Ill keep going forward even if my pants tear off. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. 156. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. Swimming trunks. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. Send me the link. Yeah, so is a grenade. Monday I shall slay thee with me mighty cup of coffee. no rich foods. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. I love it when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. Whether its at other people or at ourselves, its good to laugh in life. Billy Wilder. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. I am here to live to the fullest. Steve Martin, 254. Ive got three bones. The thing is, Im still getting ready. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor., 4. Sam Levenson 44. This is the beauty of funny affirmations. Finding humor in a difficult situation helps me win. I dont care! And their purpose certainly isn't to minimize hard feelings. I train my body. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! 107. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. 72. Unknown. Similar to how it's important to minimize distractions in the workplace, you need a few minutes of peace to focus and mindfully say your affirmations. They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. Im describing you. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations to motivate you to come out of your comedic shell. So put on your favorite song, take a deep breath, and say these affirmations during your next tough time for some much-needed positivity! Read next: 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset, Posted on Published: January 26, 2023- Last updated: January 27, 2023, Home 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, Fabulous List Of 120 Cute Names To Call Your Crush, 120 Follow Your Dreams Quotes To Keep You On The Track. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. 80 Soren Kierkegaard Quotes On Love, Life And Philosophy, Top 90 Martin Luther King Jr. 113. 28. 250. Excuse me please, I have to go hide a treasure. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. Alright, get in the basket.. 79. 3. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations. If you are looking for a way to get more laughs in your day, try some of these funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. Sincerely, yourself., 2. - Bob Hope. (John 14:27) 27. Pat Sajak, 41. Making everyone angry, piece of cake. Education cost money. 144. 1. Really? 239. Dont forget to drink water and get some sun. Thats what youre called when you dont have a job. 92. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. I am lazy till I get a motive. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. 271. 278. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. 89. "Who you are inside is what helps you make and do everything in life". I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. Before using these amusing affirmations, you should believe in your sense of humor. 272. 168. Because it was soda pressing. If you want flowers on February 14, plant them now., 6. 2. 1. When you feel terrified (without your safety being in danger): 5. I am not only pretty but also pretty awesome, pretty smart, and pretty kind. It has many of the same goals as affirmations, as theyre both associated with positivity and happiness. Effective pushing often involves poop. My body deserves love. 105. My friends are like rocks, they help me through hard times. I can engage in small acts of kindness to uplift other people. Mind blown! 7. Have a look! Life always offers you a second chance. 197. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Helen Giangregorio Stuart Turner, 247. Your email address will not be published. But sometimes affirmations may not work. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. Maybe Monday doesn't like you either. Why is England the wettest country? If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. It will warm you twice unknown. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge. I am willing to ask for help when it serves my growth. I like expensive things because I learn the act of taking care from them. I always find something funny in every situation. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? I walk in the direction of what feels good for my soul. Affirmations are an opportunity to be honest with ourselves and recognize that we have a treasure trove of power and creativity within us. How do you count cows? 236. 30. We need to hear a pin drop. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. Your values become your destiny. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. Benjamin Franklin. Your brain will only ever optimally respond to positive present tense affirmations such as " I am calm .".
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